First family, be kind

Most of the time obstacles present themselves in such a way as to appear unable to give way to what lies beyond. When it comes to genealogical brick walls this often seems to be the case. Yet there are some people though, who simply refuse to take no for an answer, and somehow must find a way. To them it is not a matter of choice.

“How is this possible?” you might say. It is not that these people just breach the chasm by ignoring the peril; they just seem to be made up of a kind of stubbornness, or in some cases, fury that will not abate no matter what.

It all seems to hinge upon a word that individuals seem unable to spend all their endurance and patience upon without going to unfound extremes. What would that be? Family. Simply put it can mean something a little different to everyone, based on the individual experiences. Yet if given a particular weight and merit cannot be faltered from its due course in magnitude nor depth of devotion.

All right, I think that’s enough. We get the point. Right? People just tend to have a bit of personal depth behind the feelings in this word and it’s meaning to them. So what makes it so important to find what is beyond our brick walls? Why can’t people just savor what they have and be content? Is it that hard to let some things go and simply go on with our lives knowing there might be something on the other side, but just be okay without it?

For some the answer is still a resounding, no! This, my genealogical friends, is what it is like being an adoptee and not knowing where you started. However, in there case it is not just an individual mystery to connect one to the next human link beyond our family history. It is lacking any knowledge of any biological family in their entirety.

While my words attempt to add weight to the feelings behind a search, I know they will fall short of the reality of what some may actually feel. I know some people can become frustrated, unable to find the documentation or genetic genealogy to breach that impossible step beyond their brick wall, but to an adoptee it simply is something will try, over and over and over until they bloody themselves upon its precipice or utterly spend their last breath and dying day attempting to breach it. To some, I am afraid, no is the first piece of vocabulary they erase from their minds.

I know to some my words may sting, and erode upon their patience a degree of anger and frustration to harp upon these words day in and day out, but I cannot and will not give up on those who need me most. To me, they are all my family.

Please be kind to your adoptee friends, they seek some of the most basic information one can have, and yet it means so much to them.  If one should cross your path dear genealogists, please welcome them as family, even if they might be a 4th cousin twice removed, to them you may be the first biological family they have ever known.