​Perspective, on the outside looking in

Given enough time and dedication, many things are possible. Some souls get to a point where they are literally saturated with the effort of looking for biological relatives. Maybe it is because the tools they are using are far too technical for them to interpret easily. A great many of the adoptees and even amateur genealogists working in the medium of search can come up short on patience; especially if the individual is used to seeing some progress after so much anxiety and perseverance is spent.

Not every exchange of fortitude produces results that can satisfy curiosity. Learning to change one’s perspective long enough to appreciate transformations that have occurred can help one breathe again and find the stamina to get back on track. Focusing on individuals in a family tree are not just something genealogists get to appreciate. Even if adoptees have not made the final connections in their mystery, the genetically linked cousins produced from DNA testing can still contain clues as to our true nature coming to the surface.

As inspiring as it is to get closer to adding another relative on our family tree, one should not allow all these faces to make us feel as if we are fading away in the backdrop. It’s been a while, since some of us could hold our head up high in the midst of a deep dive into our past. As the genealogy passes into centuries without something of note coming up, try not to stretch yourself beyond your means. When I reach a point where progress does not seem to be available back into the generations of an adoptees family tree, I attempt to shift the direction and go laterally amongst the siblings of a specific family.

Turning about and going over notes, people and places that I once thought were closed regarding any further understanding, can sometimes rekindle a search with new clues. Yet, one’s perspective and attitude can heavily influence the peripheral vision when it comes to new information that can be seen or understood. A dampened spirit can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try and hang your angst and negative thoughts in the closet before returning to a search.

If you cannot find inspiration from the work or results itself, then reach out to other mediums, like a good book based on someone else’s search. If your spent, look for motivations, sometimes contagious, in others besides yourself. Breaking the cycle that puts us back into a rut requires some fortitude to see the exhaustion creeping back into our attitude. Seeing through the ugly can be a fulfillment in itself. Believe me, there can be realizations that can be found along the way, and they’re not just by finding out who our birth parents or child lost to relinquishment might be.

Sometimes learning to endure the unanswered has prepared us for this journey. That does not suggest that only adoptees face that test. However, giving the community of searchers some perspective is not a bad thing either. A sensitive genealogist well versed in helping other adoptees through the myriad of search methodologies available to the professional genealogist, can be a gift sent from heaven. Appreciate that some people you meet along your quest are very willing and able to push the envelope and provide guidance and wisdom to boot. After all, these folks we find are family too; albeit distant until we find your roots.